Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

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I have complete contempt for traitorism

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

Can men and women be friends?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

What would you do if you found out that someone had broken into your home while you were sleeping?

I can count

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

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I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

If Jesus was crucified by Governor Pontius Pilate, why does the Quran deny his death?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

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I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

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I see through liars

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Why is there so much free porn on the internet?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Will my parents go to hell if I don't wear hijab, they tried to convince me and they provided it to me but I don't want to wear it?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

What are some sex stories from your college days?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Is fellatio addictive?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

What if the girl says that drama about you dating here? Is that a bad sign?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t buy bullshit

Is there an ideal number of sessions in individual psychotherapy? Is there any point in continuing after reaching it?

I can read

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I have a reading level above third grade

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I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t cotton to rapists

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I have an acute aversion to scumbags